my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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