My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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