Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
