I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
