she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
