i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
