Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
