Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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