I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
