You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We had to coat check the pizza.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
