i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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