I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
