Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
