he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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