If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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