tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
