He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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