i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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