This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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