I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
