On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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