I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
