you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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