i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
