She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
