Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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