It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
