That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How external is "for external use only"?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
