According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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