if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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