did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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