i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
