If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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