What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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