Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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