chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
