So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
