I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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