that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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