I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
