im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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