every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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