Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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