You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
