Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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