so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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