I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
