Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
