man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Vodka?
Forever.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
