I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
